Before I start this post - just wanted to add something to my last post - other signs that my husband overlooked - his slut is from the same place (up north) where I spent the first 7 years of my life, which is rare since they met or we lived (down south). Wouldn't you think he would be like "Hey, my wife is from there." But no, that's not a sign of anything...idiot.
Or here's another sign. Her middle name is the same name as his ex-fiance who rescheduled their wedding three times and then broke up with him over the phone. Wouldn't you think, "Wow that gives me a bad feeling ... I don't like that name" Again...what an idiot.
Anyway, now for today's post.
My faith has always been strong but it's never been as strong as it is now. Whenever I go to mass, I always here a message being sent to me from the readings and liturgy. It's as if God is really trying to help me through all of this mess the best way that I need to be helped.
This past Sunday, we heard this story:
The Faith of a Canaanite Woman21 Leaving that place, Jesus withdrew to the region of Tyre and Sidon. 22 A Canaanite woman from that vicinity came to him, crying out, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is demon-possessed and suffering terribly.” 23 Jesus did not answer a word. So his disciples came to him and urged him, “Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us.”
24 He answered, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel.”
25 The woman came and knelt before him. “Lord, help me!” she said.
26 He replied, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs.”
27 “Yes it is, Lord,” she said. “Even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.”
28 Then Jesus said to her, “Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.” And her daughter was healed at that moment.
Now, you may wonder how in the world does this have anything to do with my situation. Let's think of the Canaanite woman as my cheating husband. While she hasn't done anything necessarily bad, she is scorned and looked badly upon by others, just like my husband does (notice how Jesus' friends are saying "Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us.") just like society would say "Don't stay with a cheater! Ditch that selfish pig!".
Jesus tries to ignore her because she isn't the most desirable person around... he wants to turn away but he just can't and knows that he shouldn't. He knows deep down inside that he isn't that kind of person. So when she begs and begs...and begs (much like my husband who has begged and begged and begged for me to stay and for my forgiveness or at least a second chance) ....he grants her the wish she desires (and so did I for my husband).
How powerful is that? What does this show me? That God knows what I have gone through, he knows my pain and he knows what is inside me. He knows me as well as he knows Jesus. I gave in to my cheating husband as Jesus gave in to the Canaanite - because we knew it was the right thing to do because they had faith and determination. No matter how much we told them to get away from us, no matter how horribly we treated them because we were disgusted with them (Jesus calling the Canaanite woman a dog and me calling my husband ...well, just about everything), they didn't turn away, they accepted the attacks and they continued to come back and beg for our acceptance.
If that's not a strong strong belief in us, I don't know what is... if my husband didn't truly feel as though he needed/wanted me, he wouldn't have fought to keep me the way he did. If he didn't love me, he wouldn't fight to prove to me that he loves me. Does this mean that I don't have ill feelings towards him? No. Does this mean that I am cured? No. It means that I am starting to realize that I have been hurt and God knows I have been and he is by my side helping me see that even though I have been pained, I am doing what I have to do to recover.
He showed me the actions of a great man like Jesus and how my actions reflected his... what more of a message could I have asked for?