Friday, July 15, 2011

Family Thoughts on the Affair


My husband spoke to his grandmother yesterday, at which time, she told him that she spoke to her daughter (husband's aunt) and she said that she thought we should get a divorce. She knows everything husband did or at least the gist of it.
My husband was upset over her reaction as was his grandmother who is the biggest reinforcer of his golden childness. Heaven forbid anyone ever say anything negative about her darling grandson…
But anyway, I told him that this was not surprising and is the exact reason why I had cut myself off from people. If I were in someone else's shoes, I would too think we should get a divorce. He cheated on me…had a girlfriend…why wouldn't his wife leave him? People in different situations don't understand why we are trying to work this out and it is what it is.
Why is it that my explanation made my husband upset? Oh because it doesn't go along with his all goodness he has going for him. Honestly, this whole, I am being such a great husband and person now is really starting to affect me. You did a bad thing and you shouldn't be proud of the consequences of that bad thing.

2 comments:

  1. That sounds exactly like my brother. All his life my mother petted, praised, complemented and told him he could do no wrong. She put him up on a pedestal.

    When my brother cheated on his wife, my mother went to great lengths to keep it hush, hush. (God forbid anyone learn that her son was a selfish ass). And when it got out anyways (they lived in a small town where gossip spreads like fire) she totally twisted the story and blamed his wife for everything.

    This is just my theory, but I think in the long term being put up on a pedestal actually damages your self esteem. True self esteem is something that comes from within you. If start to rely on it to come from another person, you never truly learn to develop it on your own. You become insecure and constantly look to others to boost you up.

    If you and your husband are going to counselling, you should ask the counsellor to make a plan for your husband to learn how to improve his self esteem. I think it might improve your overall relationship.

    Anyways, that’s my two cents

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  2. Oh yeah...except his family isn't blaming me - they are blaming the death of his grandfather, which pushed him over the edge.

    Yeah, you are so right. He doesn't have his own self-esteem - he relies on others for it. Gosh...I never thought of that before. But that does make sense with the affair and all...THANKS

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