Sunday, November 28, 2010

Dreaming About the Affair

Lately, I have been having some really crazy and upsetting dreams. Some don't make any sense at all because they are just me doing things I usually do such as going to McDonald's for an ice coffee with caramel. Actually, many of them are about food, which is weird. While that isn't the disturbing part (it's actually the nicer part of the dreams since it's like eating all night without the calories), it is followed by some sort of affair related material.

Last night, someone came into my bedroom (which didn't look like my bedroom in the dream) and found a large stack of photos of my husband and his mistress. As the person went through each photo, it was like a slideshow of the photos I saw in my husband's secret email account and then some ones that my mind made up. It was killing me to look at them but I could not look at them.

See that's the difference between your daytime thoughts and night ones. You can somewhat control the ones you have during the day but you can't really at night. Your mind is free to think about whatever it desires and you can't tell it to shut up.

Since I have been having them for a while now, I have calmed down my reaction to them. At first, I would be disgruntle all day dealing with the emotional aftermath. Now, I tell myself it was a dream and try my hardest to push the images out of my head. Thankfully, if I don't dwell on it too long, I sometimes forget what they are about.

I did wake up my husband to tell him that I had a bad dream. I wasn't interested in talking about it but I needed to release some of the tension and of course, make him feel bad that I was having yet, another nightmare about his stupidity. It's just another stab...I know. However, if it makes me feel better, and he is committed to our marriage, he will be able to deal with it.


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